Charity: Water Hosting Twestival!

Charity: Water is hosting this year's Twestival, which will be taking place at Revolution inside Mirage, tomorrow night at 7pm! Please donate $20 and come down for the party! And let me know, so we can meet up!

http://www. amiando. com/lasvegastwestival. html

my twitter name is @snapdragons, please follow me if you have your own twitter account! :-)

Blue Martini: Drunk by 7.

I walk out of the stall in the bathroom at the Blue Martini. A girl is directly in front of me, splashing water everywhere in an attempt to wash her hands. Leaving the water running, she walked over to the paper towels, where she proceeded to slip and slide all over the floor, nearly falling.

I held back my laugh, and approached her still running sink and washed my hands. Water dripped off the sink onto my shoe, so I had to chuckle some more. Drunk girl started to stumble out of the bathroom, but stopped at the first mirror she came across.

Like Narcissus at the pool, she started at herself like she was the living end. She touched her face and made sure her makeup was perfect. I finished washing my hands and headed over to the paper towels and noticed there was no water on the floor; that girl had fallen on nothing, just her own feet.

I headed out and noticed she had found the floor length mirror and was mesmerized by it. I headed out, now laughing out loud. I checked my watch and noticed the time was 7 pm.

Sloppy Ass Drunk by 7pm. Welcome to Vegas.

Fuddruckers; Where a Man Can Be A Man!

Husband I and went to the newly opened Fuddruckers up on Flamingo and Grand Canyon this afternoon to eat dinner. Didn't expect it to be as Fast-Food like, we thought it was more along the lines of Applebees or something. Either way, pretty good food, good service. The guy running the place was going along, making sure everything was good for everyone. There was always a person re-filling the condiments or sweeping the floor. A very well run establishment.

Afterwards we walked a few doors down to the Mad Hatter Bakery for a cupcake desert. We ate there, and then walked back to the car.

We pasted a couple just leaving their car; the girl was typical of what you see around Vegas: Extensions, Oversized sunglasses, and wearing a tiny bathing suit cover up as a dress from Victoria Secret. Her male companion was in a thin t-shirt with a wife-beater underneath.

As we past by them, the girl said to the guy: "Why didn't you just wear my wife-beater? It's at least clean!"

Husband and I exchanged a look, and it took all we had to get back to the car before we burst out laughing

Worst Luck Ever.

The past few days have been fun. I've had to hang at Caesars, so meals have become...less fun. Yesterday I walked over to Cypress to grab a salad, and the lines were longer than long. So I decided to hi-tail it down to Stage Deli to get something to go.

I get there, wait in line for 20 minutes, tell them my order. They inform me it'll be about 20 minutes before it's ready. I said fine, and walk across the hall and shop the Semi-Annual Sale at Victoria's Secret.

After finding no help at all in Vickie's, I make my purchase and head back over to Stage Deli, where they inform me that they've lost my order. They'll be happy to fill it again, but now they are backed up by another 30 minutes. No thank you.

So, getting my money back, I call up Husband, dejected. He tells me they make good sandwiches at the island outside of FAO. So I walk down there, having to bowl for tourists the whole way. I swear they know when you are trying to get around them, and lean left and right so that you can't pass. It's like, Nascar for people.

They don't have sandwiches. They have gelato and icky looking pizza. I decide the lines must be down at Cypress by now, and head back there. Lines are shorter, but they have 1 person working the counter AND making the food. Needless to say, it's stupid to even try to get food. So I go back to work, starving.

Today, it's only 10:00AM and I'm already tired. I seek Chai Latte, but remember the closest Starbucks, by Carnival Court at Harrah's, is under construction. I'm already close to the main exit of the Forum Shops, (Where Stage Deli only has Chai Tea, but not a Chai Latte) so I decide to hit the one that is in the Mirage.

I get to the front of the Mirage, only to find a red sticker across the Starbucks logo that exclaims "Coming Soon!"
Fine.
So I decide to find the one inside Harrah's instead. It's either that or I go to the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf inside the Venetian, and that is SO not happening.

Before today I had never stepped foot inside Harrahs. Dude, that place is Cor-ny. They have showgirls waiting for you at the door, and a creepy statue of some guy and his wife with a briefcase full of money. So weird.

So I finally find the Starbucks, and wait for my coffee. I decide to cut corners and go back by the Starbucks that is under construction.

It is no longer under construction. It's open like it was never closed.

I'm going to go hide under a rock now. This is what I get for wanting sustenance.

Just for the record, the weather today is slightly sarcastic

I just realized something that I find sort of funny about Las Vegas. Stay with me:

In order to have life, to have humanity, to live, every living thing on earth needs water. We need to stay hydrated to live, no matter what we are.

Humidity=Life

Las Vegas= 0% Humidity

Las Vegas= 0% Humanity.

And that's why everyone drives like an asshole.

Tourist Tip #3: Check EVERYTHING before walking away.

I know this is getting a little heavy on the show aspect of it, but this goes for everything. When you make reservations for anything; Shows, Restaurant reservations, spa appointments, whatever: CHECK TO MAKE SURE EVERYTHING IS CORRECT!

If you walk away from that desk/computer, and your paperwork says a date that is not correct, you could be royally screwed.

Lets take the spa appointment for example: If you booked a massage for 12:30 on Thursday, but your paperwork says 1:45 on Saturday, guess what? They have you down for 1:45 on Saturday, and someone else might have that spot at 12:30 on Thursday by the time you realize your mistake. Never walk away until it's all set. I don't care that you are holding up the line, it's better to have a few people mad at you then you furious at yourself. Because it's your fault that you didn't check the confirmation paperwork. Not theirs.

Seriously, while you are busy in your own head, 98% of those employees are reading the dates and times back to you, telling you if there are no cameras allowed (see last post) and giving you all the imperative information you need. If you get to the door and declare, "They never told me that!" You are a dirty liar. That is why you get that look from them. You were told, you just didn't listen.

This is why us locals say the tourist's IQ drops at the airport. But that's a story for another time.

Tourist Tip #2: Put Down Your Electronic Device!

We know you want to take pictures, but this ain't your kids high school play. These productions are upwards of 50-200 million dollars in production costs.

One, your picture is gonna suck anyway. Yes, even if you use a flash, you tool. Stop it. Two, you are bugging everyone around you. Flashes distract and detract from the action. Three, you are really gonna be popular when someone of authority comes to tell you to put it away. If this is the second time you are caught, they WILL take your camera away and you can pick it up after the show. Refuse to relinquish your camera, and you'll be taken out of the show. Seriously, just try it.

If you actually paid money to get into the show and no one specifically told you it was okay, then just assume it's not. When you are out on the strip, go crazy. When you are sitting down, don't pull it out unless someone encouraged you to.

And if you try it in the strip club, expect your jeans to get a little dirty as you get thrown out.